supercrime.org

Canada troops battle 10-foot Afghan marijuana plants

OTTAWA, Canada (Reuters) — Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy — almost impenetrable forests of marijuana plants 10 feet tall.

General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana.

“The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It’s very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices. … And as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don’t dodge in and out of those marijuana forests,” he said in a speech in Ottawa, Canada.

“We tried burning them with white phosphorous — it didn’t work. We tried burning them with diesel — it didn’t work. The plants are so full of water right now … that we simply couldn’t burn them,” he said.

Even successful incineration had its drawbacks.

“A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those [forests] did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action,” Hiller said dryly.

One soldier told him later: “Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I’d say ‘That damn marijuana’.”

Today was the feast of St. Nicholas, popularly associated with our American Christmas traditions, so I thought it a good excuse to do some light research on the origins of our Santa Claus. Nicholas lived in Turkey during the fourth century and was known for secretly giving money and gifts, sometimes throwing them down chimneys.

In Germanic states St. Nicholas became associated with the god Odin, who held a hunting party and feast each winer. At night, children would leave boots near the fire with a carrot or straw for Odin’s eight-legged flying horse, and in the morning they would find their offerings had been replaced with gifts. St. Nicholas also may have been associated with the legend of a demon, sometimes called Krampus. This demon was seven feet tall with an exceptionally long tongue, goat legs, and a rampant sexual appetite and would slide down chimneys at night in order to kidnap, eat, or disembowel children. The monster was eventually caught by Saint Nicholas, who forced him instead to deliver gifts to the children every year.

Much of these legends still survives in Central Europe. I remember from my days at a Swiss-based elementary school celebrating the day of St. Nicklaus in the tradition of Germany and Central Europe. I left a carrot in a shoe outside my door overnight for the horse. I think I got a kiwi. During the day, Niklaus visited our classroom dressed as a bishop and accompanied by his African slave, Ruprecht. Mostly I remember Ruprecht throwing a lot of walnuts at us, and maybe a tangerine or two. Of course, according to tradition, Ruprecht is likely to punish naughty children by beating them with sticks, eating them, or throwing them in a sack and taking them to the Black Forest, where I can only assume they are beaten with sticks or eaten.

Our image of Santa Claus originates more directly from the Dutch version of Sinterklaas. Sinterklaas lives in Spain and arrives every year on a steamboat with one or several Moorish slaves named Black Pete. Again, Sinterklaas rewards offerings in shoes and brings gifts on the night of December 5. These gifts are delivered by Black Pete, who’s face is black from climbing down the chimneys. However, bad children could still potentially be beaten with sticks or taken to Spain in a sack.

Yet another possibly relevant myth was discovered by a mycologist studying psychoactive mushrooms. In Siberia during the midwinter festival, a flying shaman may be known to enter a home through the chimney and hang red and white psychedelic mushrooms, popular among reindeer, by the fire for the inhabitants.

supercrizzle.org

“I don’t know what it is,” came a man’s voice in the darkness.
“Oh! That’s not good,” his lady friend responded.

New ground is being broken in the field of absurdist food service. Paris has become home to, “Dans le Noir,” a new blind-themed restaurant. Diners must learn to eat in pitch darkness in order to appreciate the experience of a blind patron, as well as to heighten their own senses (listen to the excellent report).
My first thought: Is the menu lighted?
My second thought: How sharp are the knives?
My third thought: I don’t want to eat it.
My fourth thought: I want to eat it.
The restaurant also features a “mystery menu” which could prove very exciting.

For those who are unfamiliar with my own restaurant concept, it is called “Food and Drink.” The menu consists of two items, “food” and “drink,” each at a fixed price. Dishes are served in a random manner or at chef’s discretion. For instance, if you order “food,” you may receive roast duck with pomegranate glaze, wild rice with herbs, and a field salad with pear, walnut, and gorgonzola, or you may receive tater tots. I have toyed with serving meals in some sort of “feedbag” or other disguised presentation, but I had not yet considered such a sensory-deprived dining setting. Perhaps more details will follow on this topic.
Note: due to popular demand/public outcry, sauces, seasonings, and condiments will no longer be included as “food.” Exceptions may be made at chef’s discretion.

Happy tenth birthday to the Assault Weapons Ban. (Sorry this link is biased. For another opinion try the NRA). The country is celebrating this anniversary by allowing the ban to expire. The ban was originally passed in 1994 with the condition that it be confirmed ten years later by a congressional vote. Bush and Kerry both support the weapons ban, but no new legislation was pushed to extend the ban.
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What would you do with 50,000 cans of stolen beer that you can’t fence? How about a power year?

soup or crime?

We are passive onlookers in a world that moves perpetually. Our only moment of creation is that 1/125th of a second when the shutter clicks, the signal is given, and motion is stopped…

Widely regarded as the most important photographer, Henri Cartier-Bresson was an inspiration to many. His death Tuesday in southern France came three weeks before his 96th birthday. Take a moment to appreciate one of the world’s great artists and one who truly embodied the spirit of supercrime.

1. A woman jogging, wearing a baby sling. Except instead of a baby, she was carrying a fully grown dog.

2. A man got into a heated argument with a bus stop, eventually fists were involved. He then had a very soulful discussion with a trash can, apparently relating his life story. Trash cans are good listeners. At the same bus stop, a woman was smoking a cigarette that was broken in half, with the lit end hanging from the filter by a thread.

Welcome back to the fight. This time I know our side will win.